bait and switch

I'm sitting in the chair waiting for a minor filling reading about how we're all American socialists when the technician drops a loaded bomb in my lap. "The doctor would like to do the crown today instead..." I didn't hear the rest. I had just fallen victim to the old bait and switch and there was nothing I could do about it already reclining with a tidy napkin strapped to my neck.

Had I really evaded this needed personal upkeep to the point that my dentist found it prudent to swindle me? And is it really ethical to force people to take care of themselves?

Truth be told, I have a rich history of personal neglect. Throughout Junior High and High school I wore my contact lenses for six months to a year without ever taking them out. Seriously. And "extended wear" didn't exist. My orthodontist resorted to maxillofacial surgery after four years of me not wearing my rubber bands. And a 1999 kindergarten family illustration clearly depicts me, mother, wearing jeans with a distinct hole in the knee.

Let's make it clear my personal neglect does not stem from some noble sense of selflessness. I just prefer to do other things and I don't like to feel like I have to do something. In fact, I'll do just the opposite to show you I don't. How immature is that?

Which brings me to my hair stylist who I am also avoiding. When I took my daughter in for a cut, I was careful to keep my hair out of the recessed lighting hoping she wouldn't notice the neglect. Since it was snowing, I thought about just leaving my hood up the whole time in the salon but then decided that might be just a tad obvious since everybody else in there looks like they've spent the day at the spa. Is she, too, plotting an intervention? "No, Mrs., we're not actually going to cut your daughters' hair today, sit right down here in this chair..."

Are Stacy and Clinton lurking in the shadows?

Yeah...I'm getting a little paranoid. But an hour of drilling in your head can give your a serious case of post traumatic stress disorder.